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”)I try to encourage my couples to use this strategy, particularly when they are trying to re-connect sexually when the rest of the relationship is good. Since many of us have been taught that about sex is wrong, let alone talking about it, you can imagine everyone’s terror of actually manifesting sexual thoughts in cyberspace. Sandra came from a religiously conservative home where her dad drank too much.
But part of my role is to be what I have called my patients “disinhabition coach.”My patients Sandra and Bill (not their real names) are a classic example. His message to her growing up was that girls who were interested in boys were “sluts.”It is critically important to her that she be emotionally attuned to her children, that they have a better experience growing up than she did.
It’s hard to make sex a “go” when it has been at a dead stop for a week, or weeks.
Sex therapists like to talk about the concept of sexual “simmering” — the little, quiet, things that a couple can do that keep romantic and sexual thoughts alive in the cacophony of daily demands. Assuming that both people are interested in being sexual (that the sexting won’t be seen as a demand or a guilt trip), a sexy text or a romantic text, is a way to keep sexual thoughts alive.
These survey findings are preliminary, and come with big caveats, Stasko says.
In a casual relationship, that person can stop seeing you and forward the text to miscellaneous strangers.
More than half of the responses came from women; the average age of participants was 35, according to the study authors.
On one level, it's not surprising that sexting is becoming more mainstream."If we look at how technology has been integrated into our society — it's so much part of our daily lives — it makes sense that it would become part of our dating and sexual lives as well," said Emily Stasko, MPH, a doctoral candidate in psychology at Drexel University in Philadelphia and the survey's co-author, along with Pamela Geller, Ph D, associate professor of psychology, ob/gyn and public health at Drexel. The survey found that people who sexted more rated it as more "carefree and fun" and had higher beliefs that sexting was expected in their relationships.(Sexting, for the purposes of the survey, was defined broadly as sending or receiving sexually suggestive or explicit content via text message, mainly using a mobile device, Stasko said.)Of course, this doesn't mean that every grownup out there is under the covers with their phone at night shooting off racy texts.
(For instance: “You looked so handsome in that suit when you walked out the door...
Want to have some fun around 9pm after the kids are in bed?
Over time, the sexting really did work like simmering.